1. political. Now I’m not one of those people who say “you know I’m really just not into politics.” Which is really a nice way of saying “I spend the time I should be using to read about current events to look at makeup tutorials on youtube.” Even though I spent nearly an hour online yesterday reading about bubonic plague, I do sometimes make myself aware of things that are going on in this century. But in no way do I see how that qualifies me to be the voice of the nation, or anything.
2.trendy. I give zero fucks about what is going on in the world of fashion. The last time I took a gander, it seemed like every decade of the twentieth century was simultaneously exploding and being stitched back together with tiny third world hands. I like clothes, they keep me warm when it is cold. If said garb makes me look slightly more fuckable/less retarded, that’s pretty cool too. That is all that needs to be said.
3. all funny all the time. Humor is my weapon and my shield. But I have a molten core of sentimentality that may ooze at inappropriate times. Consider yourself warned. Let me hold you while we sob together.
4. all serious all the time. Sometimes people fart at funerals. Life is absurd. I love your brave blog about how you approach your cancer with grace, but while you are laid up at Cedars Sinai nibbling rapini, some poor fuck is getting served in ways you can’t even imagine. Life is a B movie with bad dialogue, a predictable ending and waaaay too many commercials. If you can’t laugh about it, see above.
5. zeitgeist–y. I can’t promise not to blog about pop culture. I love it. But for me to assume that from my command center at my desk in Latonia, Kentucky that I have my FINGER on the PULSE of the ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE, now that, that is ridiculous. Isn’t it?
6. inspiring. I don’t want to be the turd in the punchbowl, but Tedtalks suck. At least in the context I view them. Slumped at my desk, tongueing beef jerky out of my molars, and learning about how some really smart person did something awesome. These talks make me feel bad. Very bad. Then I think about people playing Second Life and I feel better again.
7. honest. This is inherently difficult for me. I think every question has at least five answers. If given the option of A or B, I will pull the fire alarm.